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Throwing In The Towel: How To Finally Release Patterns You Don’t Want

Are you ready to “throw in the towel” on those emotional patterns you don’t want???

I’ve had a few of you asking me the process on releasing programed patterns recently, and although you can imagine that it’s not a simple answer, I thought I would share one of my moments when I released a big pattern.

Last week I had an amazing birthday, and as I loaded the dishwasher that night I remembered a birthday about 10 years ago where I walked one of my big patterns I no longer wanted out of my life and said good bye forever.

At the time we had no money – like I had no idea where I was going to get grocery money from. I had a big pattern from childhood about being a victim on my birthday and suffering through the day because I wanted my birthday to be special. When I was growing up, my birthdays always made me feel like I wasn’t important enough to celebrate and exaggerated all my other patterns – like holidays do for a lot of people. I generally felt like it was an inconvenience to everyone that I wanted my day to be special.

This particular birthday several years ago, I knew we couldn’t go out to dinner and there would be no presents, because of our finances. The days leading up to my birthday I struggled with this reality. I chose not to let myself think about it or say to myself the things I might have said on previous birthdays like, “here we go again”. I realized that part of the pattern came from how I felt about myself and that I wanted to feel special, appreciated and loved. I felt a strange kind of peace around knowing this about my pattern. I felt ready to no longer bear the weight of it and it allowed me to take a different attitude about my birthday.

So, I woke up on my birthday and I had a ton of surprise blessings unfold. My kids picked me an amazing vase of flowers and made me a beautiful card that made me smile. My husband bought an ice cream cake with sparkly candles and wrote me a beautiful card. We got an unexpected check that would allow us to fill our pantry, and because of the check we got to go shopping and get groceries to make dinner with. And when we got home a couple presents from friends in other states had come in the mail.

With all the surprises, I only slightly started to think about what I was missing while I was making dinner for my birthday, and it was pretty easy to be grateful for what I did have, and go back to feeling good. Until…

I was the last one awake that evening, and had left all the dishes out to be put in our dishwasher quickly before I went to bed. I had only had a dishwasher for about 3 months out of my entire adult life, and I was really loving how fast it made doing dishes.

BUT, I opened it to empty it and the whole load of dishes was dirty. The dishwasher had stopped working and I had two counters, the entire sink heaped up with dishes and now the load of dishes in the dishwasher with dried-on food to wash at almost midnight on my birthday.

It may not seem like a big deal, but as an already exhausted mom, this sort of mess I had in my kitchen and a broken dishwasher definitely would have played right into being the victim on any other birthday before this.

I went to work doing the dishes and really dove in to the work without letting myself judge the situation or letting my thoughts run. I appreciated having water (which we didn’t always have), how fast I was at doing dishes, and got satisfaction out of every dish strainer load I had washed, dried and put away, and what a transformation my kitchen had undergone at my hand. I even did some extra cleaning I didn’t have to do right then.

Then I noticed it. I was compelled to clean the kitchen perfectly and with grace and appreciation, because I was throwing in the towel to the pattern of being a victim on my birthday. I was proving to myself and the Universe that I could do what I needed to and not have a breakdown or feel bad about it. I looked down at the dish towel I had neatly folded on the sink and knew that I had ushered that pattern out of my life.

We all have moments of empowerment like the one I just shared. You have worked through a lot of your “stuff” about a pattern, and finally have a situation present itself where you have the choice to continue or release the pattern.

Sometimes you’re not quite ready and you have a series of situations testing your readiness to release the pattern. The thing I see the most is that you don’t realize when you are in the spot where you have the power to let your pattern go.

So, the easiest way to finally release one of your patterns is to notice what pushes your buttons around the pattern, and then you’ll start to notice the situations that are happening when your buttons are pushed by this pattern. Then, when you feel these situations come up around that pattern you can start to feel out how intense your feelings are about it.

The more you work on releasing a pattern you don’t want, the less intense your feelings should be. And one day, like my victim of my birthday story, you’ll be able to look that pattern in the face with very little emotion about it and say, “Yes, it’s time to let it go. I’m ready.”

I work on this with my coaching clients, but encourage you to start feeling out your patterns. When finally letting go of the patterns we don’t want, is when we gain the power to navigate our own lives and they become astonishingly fantastic 😉

Please leave me a comment below and let me know how you handle dealing with your emotional patterns.

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