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How to Create Real Happiness

How to Create Real Happiness

Happiness helps guide you through life and change your consciousness.

“When all your desires are distilled; you will cast just two votes: To love more, And to be happy.” ~ Rumi

We’ve been talking about happiness all month, but have you really sat down with yourself and thought about your happiness? Have you thought about how you can create real happiness?

All too often I run into people who are angry at me for being happy. Sounds weird, but it happens.

I get judged for not being miserable like so many people are today. It doesn’t bother me, it just makes me terribly sad because everyone has the right, and really the responsibility to be happy.

Who wants to live their life being miserable? I don’t want you or anyone else to spend another minute trudging through your day or life without happiness. It sucks. I was there for most of the first half of my life, so I know.

And the absolute worst thing about it was that I didn’t even know how unhappy I was!

Until I went to boarding school for high school I didn’t even know I was really unhappy. You see, I was a pleaser on an extreme level, and I hid my unhappiness as a way of keeping those around me pleased – so that they would love me. The problem was that I started to ignore all the normal signs of unhappiness and they just became my “norm”. When I got around a completely different group of people in a totally different setting, I noticed how weird my “norm” of misery was. Before I go on, I want you to do something for me.

Here are five quick questions that you can ask yourself to help realize where you are on the happiness scale. It helps if you answer them fast and don’t mull them around long.

  1. What’s the last time you remember thinking to yourself or tangibly feeling happy?
  2. How often do you smile to yourself throughout your day?
  3. Did you allow yourself to have a good laugh yesterday, the day before, or the week before?
  4. When do you remember being the happiest you can think of?
  5. Now, how often do you come anywhere near being close to that happy?

So how do you feel about your answers? Anything stand out to you right away?

There are some questions that came to me in a moment of misery. When I was trying to figure out where I jumped off the happiness train and onto the misery train.

I came to three things that impact how you create real happiness from questioning myself, and they have helped me guard my happiness for over twenty years.

The first thing you need to create your real happiness is the deep knowing that you do create your happiness yourself. When I was younger, I believed that everyone else had the keys to my happiness and that, my friend, is the fast route to being unhappy. You in every way create your own happiness… no matter what the little voices in your head are trying to say… it’s true.

The second is you that you have to keep your standards for yourself high – and this may be a great way for you to tell when your happiness decreases. What I mean by this is lots of times when you become depressed or unhappy for a really long time, you give up on your self-care, weight and the way you look, you might take on tasks that you know you don’t want to, and generally do things that make you even more unhappy. It’s kind of a hard cycle to get out of, too. It’s much easier to keep your standards for yourself high and be aware of when you feel like you can compromise them, than to lower them and try to climb your way back up. And yes, I’m totally saying if you are unhappy you should force yourself to go to the gym, take a pampering bath, do your hair and makeup, dress up nicely (aka get out of your sweats) and see how you feel.

The third is that you have to get in the habit of actually feeling your emotions and checking in with yourself. Do you ask yourself, “how does ______ make me feel?”, or “does this make me feel _______”? When I was really unhappy I had totally become numb to what I felt and as a result, I felt worse and worse without being able to realize it. This can be a big trap because if you are feeling negative emotions a regular basis, it’s easy to want to detach from them. However…if you stop fully feeling them you have little power to gain awareness of what you feel and then be able to do something about it. No matter how painful a feeling is, it’s there to help you, give you feedback and give you a starting point you can move up the emotional scale from.

So as you go about your day today, KNOW you create your happiness, RAISE your standards for yourself and FEEL what you are feeling so you can change it.

“Your happiness is a gift because it literally brings out the best in you.” ~ Robert Holden

“Happiness depends on ourselves.” ~ Aristotle 

Leave me a comment below on what is your biggest challenge to create real happiness.

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